Down below are the lyrics to the Osmosis song, "With the Help of Kyoji", which is the final track off of their debut full-length studio album, I'll Have You Know.


{Three men can be heard obnoxiously laughing; the setting takes place in a recording studio}

  • Marco: "Duuuuudes, last night, I was the man! I went to some farmer's place and smashed a bunch of pumpkins!"
  • Corey: "I swear to God, if you say that you used the Master of Puppets again...."
  • Marco: "I didn't..."
  • Corey: "Oh, holy shit, I was about to sa---"
  • Marco: "I dug a Hole, pushed the pumpkins down, and I was Raining Blood!"
  • Corey: "FUCK YOU!!!"
  • Ash: "What are you people implying? All I'm hearing right now is, 'Metallica sucks!', and 'No, no, asshole! The Smashing Pumpkins, Hole, and Slayer suck ass combined!'."

{Corey blows a raspberry at Ash}

  • Ash: "By the way, what bands are your all-time favorites? Hurry up and tell me before I find the producer and cut his head off!"
  • Marco: "Let's see here, uh.... Pantera. Living Colour. Tool. King Crimson. Red Hot Chili Peppers, pretty much every band that was amazing!"
  • Ash: "Machine Head, Bad Brains, Mr. Bungle, Fugazi, Cypress Hill, and Korn."
  • Corey: "Hey, two of those you just mentioned are our influences!!"

{Marco chuckles while his other two bandmates begin uncontrollable laughing}

  • Marco: "Oh, shit! {snickers}"
  • Corey: "{sighs in relief} Korn sucks..."

{Ash perks up}

  • Ash: "What? WHAT!?!?"
  • Corey: "I just said it, Ash: Korn outright sucks. Their drummer's a pussy, the bass player is ghetto, and furthermore, the vocalist wrote this song about him getting ab---"
  • Marco: "Heeeeere we go..."
  • Ash: "What about Hole? The fact that you have the wife of some dead guy fronting a band is quite hilarious! Courtney can't even hit a note to save her life... and what's more: she acts like the hugest bitch on the planet. Hear me out!"
  • Corey: "You BASTARD!"

{Ash begins laughing a bit more}

  • Ash: "All of 'em are queers, especially the frontwoman! This is the reason why... Marco, get the camera rollin'!"

{In a "drunken" manner, Ash starts to one of Hole's memorable tunes, "Miss World". The song itself can be heard in the background}

I am the boy you know can't put you on a diet

I am the boy you know too stupid to find a job

I am the one you hate can't put you on a diet

I am the boy you abhor I suck and suck and suck

  • Corey: "ARE YOU KIDDIN' ME?!"

I'm Mr. Dumbass, somebody lift me

Lift me Bill, people care my niggas

My niggas

I'm Mr. Dumbass, please lick me and lick me profusely

People are tunin' in my niggas

I shit my bed I hump on it

I shit my bed I hump on it

I shit my bed I hump on i---

{Corey suddenly attacks Ash in a comedic, but also violent manner}

  • Corey: "How dare you mock Hole and Courtney Love!! Take THIS!"
  • Ash: "OKAY, OKAY, I'M SORRY!!"

{Marco breaks the camera and stares at the audience for a long time}

  • Marco: "I know you're still listening to this CD, but I got a little somethin' somethin' for you: TURN IT OFF!!! TURN IT OFF!!! You wanna live!? P.S. We in Osmosis do not ask that you try to cover any of our songs, as you'll be asking yourself, 'What the fuck'm I doin' with MY life?'. Thank you!"

Track detailsEdit

  • Length: 9:24
  • Genre: Progressive rock, comedy
  • Producer: Scott Litt
  • Band performance: Osmosis



  • In its entirety, "With the Help of Kyoji" is actually a progressive rock track containing no lyrics whatsoever. On top of being just 5:15 long, the extra discussion segment was thrown in at the end, which was at least 3:49 in length.
  • The title of the song is a reference to G Gundam.